HOROSCOPES

Week of March 12, 2012

ARIES
No one can deprive you of your " title", chieftainship, etc when it's labor done by your own hardworking hands. Keep that in close mind this week, rams. Nothing that is the result of your concentrated effort can ever be taken from you. Turn from the political mindset/mandates to remember that there are certain indisputable spiritual facts which more powerfully dictate earthly reality, actually.

Aries of the Week: Vine Deloria

TAURUS
I had a vision of you this week, bulls-free and floating, yet retaining full firmness and ferocity. Playful but ever poignant, you were cruising along, unbeholden and unburdened yet lucidly present and potently parading through the streets, sheets, sleets, and weeks.

Taurus of the Week: Maybelle Carter

GEMINI
I've recently acquired a few stalkers, twins. And the question is: what to do? Murder them where they stand? Smile back in hopes that kindness will eclipse their madness? Ignore them, playacting as if you don't even notice that they are everywhere you turn up, staring and oogling? My advice is to use your killer instinct, whether it's telling you to be nice or naughty, by all means enlist help if/when needed, and if any of those admirers should turn out to be especially cute or normal, indulge their request.

Gemini of the Week: North Magnetic Pole

CANCER
One of the best and craziest things I ever did was move to Barcelona, Spain. Even though I was basically money-less, I was filled with daily joy, inspired by the people, places, poetry, and poses which I was fortunate enough to ingest. I predict that you crabs will find a way to not only live the romance, but also be able to pay for it. Just stay patient, but perservering in your dreamy aspirations.

Cancer of the Week: the first Major league Baseball All Star game

LEO
This week, a friend of mine called me a "bad girl." I kind of enjoyed the label, as it was a refreshing change from my sometimes reputation as a "sweet girl." But the truth is, cats, I'm usually whatever I need to be. Like a true feline, I am agile enough to twist my way through the bars, gracefully landing on my feet after alternating between my aggressive, sly, cunning, and cute sides when I'm trying to score a hunt.

Leo of the Week: Kool Moe Dee

VIRGO
The cycle you are in right now will not wrap up until the FALL virgo, when you will levitate to a new dimension and way of being. So until then, enjoy the closing ceremonies. Instead of counting down the minutes, let the richness of the moments entice your mind and replensih your senses, which will only further prepare you for the bountiful and exacting journey ahead.

Virgo of the Week: Kristen Wiig

LIBRA
I am commonly mistaken in my neighborhood for one of Brooklyn's wealthiest realtors. Frequently business owners approach me with a smile on their face and a hand extended, poised to thank me for the million dollar investment I just made in their company. I find it amusing but also highly metaphorical, scales, as the universe is probably just relfecting back to me how much love and work I also put into the building of other people's biggest dreams.

Libra of the Week: first human ascent in a hot air balloon

SCORPIO
Few others can speak as you do, representing the voice of the entire cosmos, which is all the more reason for you to pump up the volume. Your words and moves are infused with knowledge, the cup of them running over with juices of vast personal and intimate experience. Let those pour out from you, thereby fostering love and compassion, creating a wider scope of perspective and increasing light's luminosity.

Scorpio of the Week: Rob Schneider

SAGITTARIUS
Don't overthink it OR oversense it this week, archers. Just, as they say, DIVE IN. The waters into which you plunge will further guide you after you are totally immersed. Once you are land-less the waves can and will point you in the right direction, whether that's homeward or beyond, those currents will most definitely lead you towards the right adventure. Trust the tide/ride.

Sagittarius of the Week: Niki Manaj

CAPRICORN
Don't carry along any excuses this week, goats. Those will just delay the forward motion which you are not just a party to, but a major pioneer of. To allow those wheels to keep on rocking and rolling, protect yourself less from the momentum. The time to take the risk/begin the dance is NOW....

Capricorn of the Week: Ireland

AQUARIUS
You don't have to be someone you're not, water bearer. But it's a good time to assess who you ARE and to thus adjust your lifestlye accordingly, making whatever changes are necessary to accomodate your deepest needs and widest wishes. Once you start concoting such plans you will discover that the world is working WITH and not AGAINST those desires, which makes things go much smoother than you ever would have predicted.

Aquarius of the Week: Kelly Slater

PISCES
My goldfish, Ruby, never wants to be left behind on any voyage. She is overly enthusiastic about being a part of whatever mission I set forth to go on. Like you, she is always game, regardless of the fire's intensity or the road's speed. As my loyal companion, she is rewarded with extra love, attention, and fun. So too will you be gifted with what you most deserve in the weeks to come, dear fish.

Pisces of the Week: Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter arrives at Mars