HOROSCOPES

Week of September 16, 2009

ARIES
To relearn the value of something in your life, it is often necessary to take a break. After enough time "in absentia" you will more than likely re-discover its worth. Once you are totally certain of what that person, place, thing, or idea personally means to you, the chance that you could stand of losing it lessens, while the opportunity to be eternally linked to it is virtually guaranteed.

Aries of the Week: Ghandi organizes a day of prayer and fasting

TAURUS
My four sisters and I all share the same first initial of "B." It's like we were destined to be a gang of outlaws or queens. (Either is appropriate, depending on the context). I urge you to re-connect with your own clan this week, bulls. Experience the strengthening effect of your unity, the relief of your familial bond, the illumination that is only actualized when you all put your brightly clashing heads together.

Taurus of the Week: Washington, D.C.

GEMINI
Only the truth will get you out of a bind you're in. An honest expression of what ways you are feeling will reduce certain pressure. A genuine acceptance of your emotions will release you from their firm grip . Take what time you need to settle down, and come clean twins. To comprehend the reality as well as the romance of the moment, you'll also have to re-organize your thinking to include the width of those possibilites.

Gemini of the Week: Daryl Sabara

CANCER
The truth won't simply be alluded to or hinted at this week crabs. Instead it will be understood, word for tedious word, spelled out verbatim, written clearly in the clouds or anywhere else you happen to be looking. Such raw communication will eliminate any chance of uncertainty. With its blatant nature it will instead shatter the shackles that weigh you down, seal the gaping holes of doubt, fuel you fastly forward...

Cancer of the Week: satellite TV

LEO
I spent the summer in Austin, Texas- a city that experienced record breaking heat indexes and droughts all season long. This past weekend we were gifted with three days of rain and temperatures below 80 degrees. Relative to the extreme pressure of the previous three months, it felt as if heaven had come to earth. Similarly, lions, you are about to experience "better", easier times. Enjoy the respite. Use the down time to recuperate and decipher your next meow -move.

Leo of the Week: Count Basie

VIRGO
Take the sunshine with you this week, virg. Whenever you travel, please bring your brilliance with you, in order to successfully ward away all "evils". Hang onto your strapping smile, and stamp your joyful feet. You've done enough homework to be able to solve, most immediately, those puzzles which stand between you and a fully good time. As swift and well read as you are, riddles diminish, leaving plenty of open, friendly, party space.

Virgo of the Week: Lord Jamar

LIBRA
When all else fails, let it go, scales. Your intention is well understood. Now release that desire, taking an opportunity to cool out. That gives the whole universe a chance to reflect your wishes back to you, as expressed through your expertise, dreamings, and ideals. In the meantime, you get to relax and envision- two of your favorite past-times

Libra of the Week: Jackie Collins

SCORPIO
Trust your thumping heart. Let it speak outwardly unto the masses. May its will be first fully viewed, then understood and eventually felt. The scorpion stinger is poised to confront, penetrate and change matter from one state of being to another. Turn towards the source of pain, distraction, and/or interest. Look it deep into the eye, letting nothing stand in the way of your total stand-off.

Scorpio of the Week: Elizabeth Avellan

SAGITARIUS
Act as the layman/woman this week archer. Insert the spirit of your holy-est fires all week long. Shoot flaming bows into longing hearts. Warm others with your direct truths and burning faiths. Be the boss of your cause, calling the shots as you see them, employing your own personal devices of magic to perform miracles as needed.

Sagitarius of the Week: Jackie Stallone

CAPRICORN
If you goats should find yourself in the midst of a worthy opponent this week, one with as much strength and know how as yourself, stop a while. Take what time you need to dispense your wisdom as well as acquire theirs. That pow-wowing is currently relevant to all other developments in your life, so if you need to put all "other matters" on hold, consider it WISE.

Capricorn of the Week: Rob Zombie

AQUARIUS
Keeping your eye on the big ball has always come easier to you water bearers. With that in mind, have you ever thought of trying to catch it? Since you're so exclusively privy to its location and patterns of motion, this will probably require nothing more than for you to stretch out a hand and just GRAB the object of your most intense study and concentration.

Aquarius of the Week: Pauly Shore

PISCES
A true samurai does not falter in its movements. Where all others fear to flow, bend, shift and shimmy, the heart of a fish remains incredulously agile, tumbling out and around past all potential threats. Be extra light and quick on your flippers/ *feet* this week, pisces, the appendage that happens to biologically correspond to your zodiac sign.

Pisces of the Week: Chuck Norris